Big Visits

Today the girls got to visit Lacey Spring Elementary. I didn't think to take any pictures of our big outing. I was trying to beat the clock and get them there in time to see some of my students at the end of the day, so taking pictures wasn't on my mind. The girls did really well unless it was time for them to eat. My students seemed to enjoy the visit and a few wanted to know when I was coming back. I think they miss me.

This past Saturday we also had a big day. The girls became true race fans. Nothing would make their grandmother and dad happier. Here is their first picture as a race fan.

Happy Post

Since the last post was me getting a few things off my chest, I thought I would had a short happier post tonight. This week the girls had their first of many walks around the town of Grottoes. Aunt Tracey, next door neighbor, and I will have them out and about on all the streets this summer as we take our walks. This first walk was only on a few streets and Aunt Tracey was along.

Also this week we had visitors!! Amelia, Tessa, and April came to visit us. Both girls were great with the babies.

Who Am I?

The pictures have nothing to do with my entry tonight, but I thought I would add them anyway. All the recent ones are still on the camera, we need to upload them to the computer.

It's amazing how fast time flies and at the same time it can last forever. Tonight is one of those nights where it has been both. I fed the girls starting at 9, give them a quick sponge bath, read them a book, and then attempted to put them to bed. Till one was wrapped up and bed and the second one was starting to eat the first one was crying. We went around and around until it was their next feeding and nobody had slept. I give up...... Right now I have one asleep in the bouncy chair and one is in the corner of the couch.....who needs a bed?

My question for the night and I know there is no answer but I still want to ask it is when do I feel like a woman and wife again????? There's never time to take a shower so I never look or feel presentable. I'm always on edge from lack of sleep, I get frustrated because I run around the house like a robot doing baby chores, my husband doesn't seem to care about kissing me...much less doing anything more, and I feel like all we do is argue over the girls. (Trying to get them to calm down, how the other is reacting to them, and so on.)

On to another random thought:

It's amazing how when people come around or call I can put on an act about how things are ok, and everyone is doing well. I've got the baby blues or something because the days often seem like what a brief glimpse of hell might look like. I don't know what mode I'm operating in anymore but it is one of providing for my girls without all the extra loving on them, but I'm just going through the motions. I have to do as much as possible, because what little Billy is around he loses his patience with him and I worry about something or something getting broke. I have to be the primary caretaker.

Well that's it for this update. The girls eat, sleep, play a little bit, cry, and dirty diapers. There's not much news to report on them. It's my emotions and thoughts that are on the roller coaster and this was my entry to dump them.

Where do the days go?!?!?

Please excuse the way I look in this picture. Parenthood has taken away from me caring what I look like....with two babies who has time to care about themselves? This was our first Easter picture. Nice of me to post it two weeks late. I'm not sure why I thought starting this blog would be a good idea. I never have the time to sit down at the computer and pour out all my thoughts.

Our first Easter was spent having lunch with my family at my mom's house. We didn't make it to church. It felt weird not be there on Easter morning; in fact it has felt strange not being there at all, but the doctor said to stay away for awhile. Besides we could never get up and be ready on time. To get going in the mornings are very hard. I never knew it could take so long to get two little people ready.

These first 3 weeks have had some great moments and some very difficult ones. Sometimes like now I just start crying and have no idea why. Other times I think to myself that I can't do this. Then other times I think this isn't so bad. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride since the 12th of March. They will really be pushed this coming week because I will be home alone with the girls all day while Billy is at work for the first time. I hope that I still have half a mind left until he makes it home from work.

The guilt is setting in and I am thinking of the thousand other things that need to be done while the girls sleep. Hope to post the next update sooner then this one.