Who Am I?

The pictures have nothing to do with my entry tonight, but I thought I would add them anyway. All the recent ones are still on the camera, we need to upload them to the computer.

It's amazing how fast time flies and at the same time it can last forever. Tonight is one of those nights where it has been both. I fed the girls starting at 9, give them a quick sponge bath, read them a book, and then attempted to put them to bed. Till one was wrapped up and bed and the second one was starting to eat the first one was crying. We went around and around until it was their next feeding and nobody had slept. I give up...... Right now I have one asleep in the bouncy chair and one is in the corner of the couch.....who needs a bed?

My question for the night and I know there is no answer but I still want to ask it is when do I feel like a woman and wife again????? There's never time to take a shower so I never look or feel presentable. I'm always on edge from lack of sleep, I get frustrated because I run around the house like a robot doing baby chores, my husband doesn't seem to care about kissing me...much less doing anything more, and I feel like all we do is argue over the girls. (Trying to get them to calm down, how the other is reacting to them, and so on.)

On to another random thought:

It's amazing how when people come around or call I can put on an act about how things are ok, and everyone is doing well. I've got the baby blues or something because the days often seem like what a brief glimpse of hell might look like. I don't know what mode I'm operating in anymore but it is one of providing for my girls without all the extra loving on them, but I'm just going through the motions. I have to do as much as possible, because what little Billy is around he loses his patience with him and I worry about something or something getting broke. I have to be the primary caretaker.

Well that's it for this update. The girls eat, sleep, play a little bit, cry, and dirty diapers. There's not much news to report on them. It's my emotions and thoughts that are on the roller coaster and this was my entry to dump them.